Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
