If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
