i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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