so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
