I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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