i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Blood and glitter go together right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
