I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
