Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
