i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
