I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
