once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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