Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
