There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
