we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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