Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
