You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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