I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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