I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize