"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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