the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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