why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
