I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
