It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
