I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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