my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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