There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
