what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
