I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
