You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
