I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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