mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
