toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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