I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
