Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Buhtt sex?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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