Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
