So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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