I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
