ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
