U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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