While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
