The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
