youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
