i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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