I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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