New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize