So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
