sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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