i think my tv is drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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