made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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