I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
