The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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