If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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