i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's shark week go big or go home
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
