A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
where are you?
Hypothermia
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
3pm strippers are depressing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
