Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
