Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize