508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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