I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
