I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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