You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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