Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
