Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
