dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
