who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
