That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
