I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
