I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
