Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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